My Dear Reader,
As a very, very new driver, I know that I have a lot to learn about driving. I mean, I haven't felt this stupid since my first day at college! I'm getting the hang of it, little by little, and while I no longer feel the need to pray for the general population every time I put the car in drive, I'm pretty sure that it's going to take a few years before I get completely comfortable behind the wheel. My driving confidence was put to the test, however, when my aunt and uncle asked me to come up to Portland and watch their business for a few days while they were out of town. Since I'd never even been to their office before, I would have to drive over there for a day or two to train. An hour away. By myself.
For those of you who have never been to the City of Roses, let me explain the freeway system to you this way: there's a legend that it was designed by a Mason to resemble Masonic symbols from above. Even if the story isn't true, it proves that the system is so twisted, so chaotic, and so confusing that even Portanders have a hard time making sense of it. That monstrosity is what I, the month-old driver, was going to try to tackle all on my own. Yes.
My aunt assured me that the office was easy to find, as it was right off of I-5, and I'd definitely been a passenger on those freeways so many times that I thought I'd be okay. Or, at least, I made myself believe I'd be okay through self-hypnosis.
I was going along just fine until I got behind this truck that kept speeding up and then putting on its brakes. I try to keep a two-to-three second cushion between me and the car in front of me, which makes it so that I can let up on the gas instead of put on the brakes in most situations. With the traffic, however, I couldn't maintain the cushion and I spent so much of my energy trying not to hit that truck that I didn't realize the freeway was splitting until it was too late. I was in the middle lane, so I thought I'd be fine, but out of the three lanes in I-5, two were turning into 402, and the one I needed wasn't the one I had. I never imagined that it would be so hard to stay on the same road.
By the time I was able to get away from Mr. Speed-and-Stop, I decided to do the logical thing: find a place to park and call somebody for directions. So I turned off the freeway as soon as I felt I could do it safely, and out of all of the places I could have ended up, I found myself at the Portland Zoo. Not only was I lost, but I was now in the vicinity of a large amount of very small children.
The voice mail that my aunt received went something like this:
Cecily: Hi, it's Cecily. Uh, I'm lost . . . and at the zoo. I don't know how I got here, but here I am. At the zoo. I'll be at the office as soon as I figure out how to get there. Thanks!*
My aunt called me back a few minutes to give me directions, in addition to the directions that Madre got off of Mapquest, and I was on my way again. I had the directions written on a piece of paper, and as I got off of the freeway, the paper slipped off of the dashboard and onto the passenger's seat. After the light, it slipped down to the space between the passenger's seat and the door. So I had to wait until the next red light, when I could unbuckle my seat belt and grab it. By that time, however, I found myself in the Portland shipping yards. Arg.
My aunt gave me another set of directions, and I was off again, and pretty sure this time that the directions were simple enough to be Cecily-proof. They were not. I must have missed a sign or something, because I ended up in the Pearl District, the big citiest part of the big city. I was pretty sure that somebody was about to die, because if I didn't get run over by someone, I was probably going to maim one of the bicyclists around me. And I certainly didn't want to ask my aunt for directions three times in twenty minutes. As freaked out as I was, I decided to just try to figure out how to get there myself.
It turned out that the fourth time was the charm; I got there an hour late, but I got there. No one even died, so I was glad about that.
I had to drive back the next day, and as I got closer to Portland, I kept saying, "Stay on the same road, Cecily! Stay on the same road!" Luckily, Mr. Speed-and-Stop was nowhere to be found, because I managed to make it there. On time. On the first try. It helped that my aunt let me borrow her GPS unit.
I am such an idiot.
Regards, best wishes, and safe travels,
-Cecily Jane
*I always say "thanks" at the end of conversations, especially if I don't know how to end them. I know it's weird, and I always feel stupid when I say it, but I figure it's better than nothing.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What I've Learned About God, Part 2
My Dear Reader,
This is the second part of a post in which I've tried to explain what I've learned about God through my own experiences and through His dealings with mankind. The first part of this post can be found here.
5. God will allow us to feel pain, but for a reason.
There are many in the world who reject the idea of God because of the pain that they have experienced. Some have been crippled from birth, or have had a terrible disease come to them later in life. Some have emotional distress such as depression, guilt, loneliness, or anger. To many people, the presence of any kind of pain dispels the argument for God's existence entirely, because they reason that an infinitely benevolent being would never let suffering come to those He loves, especially if He had the infinite power to prevent suffering from happening. Anyone who thinks this is very much mistaken, because this argument completely ignores that fact that strength requires suffering. Just like a weightlifter inflicts a careful and controlled amount of pain on him or herself in order to make his or her muscles grow stronger, God allows a careful and controlled amount of pain to be inflicted on us in order to let us grow stronger. To us, the pain doesn't seem controlled at all, but that's because we're not really making the decisions. God isn't the source of this pain, but He is aware of it and often chooses not to stop it before it happens. As a result, everyone experiences a wide variety of pain, which is at times excruciating and threatens to break us entirely. What we must remember is that just as God allowed Jesus Christ to suffer greater than any creature has suffered for the purpose of redeeming mankind, He allows us to suffer for a purpose that is just as specific and just as good.
6. God will generally relieve physical pain very slowly, but He will relieve spiritual and emotional pain quickly.
That said, my experience has taught me that God doesn't treat very kind of pain the same way; He has a tendency to heal some quickly while letting others sort themselves out. The pain that God is most eager to eradicate is despair. If you feel despair, for whatever reason, the best course of action is to ask God to heal you through the Atonement.* For me and others I've heard accounts from, the pain is gone almost instantaneously, which is not only a miracle, but a great wonder. God has displayed a similar response to pain that comes from: fear, anger, grief, sorrow, depression, guilt, uncertainty, confusion, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness, powerlessness, uselessness, and the like. These pains are diverse, but they are similar in the sense that they are all spiritual and emotional. I don't pretend to fully understand why this is; I just know that when I am afraid and ask God to heal me of my fear, I am healed. When I ask Him to heal me of my sorrow, or my uncertainty, or my loneliness, the result is the same. I would like to add that the problem that caused the pain isn't necessarily solved, but only that the feeling dissolves. My guess is that God does this because He knows that we can still be happy despite whatever physical pain we encounter, but spiritual/emotional pain hinders our happiness and sometimes stunts our ability for our spirit to grow. Like I said before, God is willing to do anything possible to help us be happy.
This is the second part of a post in which I've tried to explain what I've learned about God through my own experiences and through His dealings with mankind. The first part of this post can be found here.
5. God will allow us to feel pain, but for a reason.
There are many in the world who reject the idea of God because of the pain that they have experienced. Some have been crippled from birth, or have had a terrible disease come to them later in life. Some have emotional distress such as depression, guilt, loneliness, or anger. To many people, the presence of any kind of pain dispels the argument for God's existence entirely, because they reason that an infinitely benevolent being would never let suffering come to those He loves, especially if He had the infinite power to prevent suffering from happening. Anyone who thinks this is very much mistaken, because this argument completely ignores that fact that strength requires suffering. Just like a weightlifter inflicts a careful and controlled amount of pain on him or herself in order to make his or her muscles grow stronger, God allows a careful and controlled amount of pain to be inflicted on us in order to let us grow stronger. To us, the pain doesn't seem controlled at all, but that's because we're not really making the decisions. God isn't the source of this pain, but He is aware of it and often chooses not to stop it before it happens. As a result, everyone experiences a wide variety of pain, which is at times excruciating and threatens to break us entirely. What we must remember is that just as God allowed Jesus Christ to suffer greater than any creature has suffered for the purpose of redeeming mankind, He allows us to suffer for a purpose that is just as specific and just as good.
6. God will generally relieve physical pain very slowly, but He will relieve spiritual and emotional pain quickly.
That said, my experience has taught me that God doesn't treat very kind of pain the same way; He has a tendency to heal some quickly while letting others sort themselves out. The pain that God is most eager to eradicate is despair. If you feel despair, for whatever reason, the best course of action is to ask God to heal you through the Atonement.* For me and others I've heard accounts from, the pain is gone almost instantaneously, which is not only a miracle, but a great wonder. God has displayed a similar response to pain that comes from: fear, anger, grief, sorrow, depression, guilt, uncertainty, confusion, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness, powerlessness, uselessness, and the like. These pains are diverse, but they are similar in the sense that they are all spiritual and emotional. I don't pretend to fully understand why this is; I just know that when I am afraid and ask God to heal me of my fear, I am healed. When I ask Him to heal me of my sorrow, or my uncertainty, or my loneliness, the result is the same. I would like to add that the problem that caused the pain isn't necessarily solved, but only that the feeling dissolves. My guess is that God does this because He knows that we can still be happy despite whatever physical pain we encounter, but spiritual/emotional pain hinders our happiness and sometimes stunts our ability for our spirit to grow. Like I said before, God is willing to do anything possible to help us be happy.
7. God understands how we can be happy better than we can.
Another reason that some people have an aversion to organized religion is the commandment factor. Throughout the history of humankind, as recorded in The Holy Bible, God has asked people who believed in Him to live a certain way. It's really, really hard to miss. I can see why that would turn somebody off; I mean, nobody likes to be told what to do. But something I've learned is that compared to God, I'm like a three-year-old. Sometimes, I want to do something and I'll find out that it's against what God wants, and I'm completely confused about the whole situation, like a three-year-old is confused when you tell him/her that sticking one's arm into a fire is less than pleasant. Try as you might to convince that child that fire will not make him/her happy, the kid will generally fail to understand. Because God is our Heavenly Father, and because He is so invested in our success, He keeps trying to tell us what will and won't make us happy, though it tends to not make a lot of sense to us at first (or ever). From my experience, I've found that if you just try following God's commandments, test them out for a while, you really start seeing how God's commandments actually make you happier. I'm not saying it makes any more sense, I'm just saying that every time I've done what God wanted me to do, I've been better off. Every single time. My grandfather is a great example if this principle at work. Since we as Mormons believe that God doesn't want us to drink alcohol, my grandfather had to give up his drinking habit when he decided to be baptized. I would guess that my grandfather probably didn't understand why he was required to do that at the time, and it was probably difficult to stop. Though he may not have seen his decision's significance at the time, the choice to follow God's will broke a cycle of alcohol abuse that has been in my family for centuries. I am deeply grateful for my grandfather's sacrifice and obedience, because it not only blessed his life, but it has brought happiness to his children's and grandchildren's lives. Anytime God asks or commands you to do something, no matter how strange or illogical it may seem, He is telling you to do it because He knows that it will make you happier. I guarantee it.
8. God and Christ are the only beings in the universe that you can trust absolutely 100% of the time.
Nobody's perfect. In thousands of years, and after the birth of billions of people, Jesus Christ was the only person who made it through without making a single mistake. That means that every single person you know will fail you in some way or another. It's not very pleasant, but it's true. Sometimes people will hurt you even without intending to, like when a parent spoils a child. It's impossible for people to always understand what you need, even if they would want to give it to you. God, on the other hand, never makes mistakes and understands everything perfectly. In addition, He always wants what's best for you, and not what's best for Himself. This just happens to be a perfect ingredient for trust. It brings so much comfort to me to know that no matter what happens, I can kneel and talk to someone who a) knows what I'm going through, b) loves me unconditionally, and c) will give me exactly what I need to solve my problems in the best way possible. Trusting doesn't come easy for me, but I've learned that if I trust in God, it doesn't really matter how other people hurt me. I know that I always have someone on my team, and that teammate just happens to run the universe. He has aways done what in the end is best for me, and with His help, I've been able to conquer obstacles that seemed impossible for me to handle.
In the end, I've found that developing a relationship with God has been the best (and smartest) thing I've ever done. It's not easy; with God, just about everything takes time and hard work. I know that every single person has the exact same opportunity that I had to get to know God as I do. You start with four simple words: "God, are you there?" The rest comes through studying the scriptures and trying to see patterns in what God has done, as well as continuing to pray and trying to live your life the way God wants you to live it. I know that God lives, that He loves me, and that my life is better if I try to do what God wants me to do. I know that as I grow older, I'll continue to learn more about God and more fully understand what He has in store for me.
Regards, best wishes, and the love of God,
-Cecily Jane
*Healing is the purpose of the Atonement, so sending in a request for the Atonement to heal you is absolutely appropriate, as long as it is understood that God has the right to approve or deny the request at will.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
What I've Learned About God, Part 1
My Dear Reader,
Joseph Smith, a man who I believe was a prophet of God, said, "Let us here observe, that three things are necessary in order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in God unto life and salvation. First, the idea that he actually exists. Secondly, a correct idea of his character, perfections, and attributes. Thirdly, an actual knowledge that the course of life which he is pursuing is according to his will. For without an acquaintance with these three important facts, the faith of every rational being must be imperfect and unproductive; but with this understanding it can become perfect and fruitful, abounding in righteousness, unto the praise and glory of God the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ [sic](Lectures on Faith 3: 2-5)." I find these words extraordinarily profound, because they not only mean that we cannot worship God without understanding who and what He is, but it boldly contradicts the common belief that God is unknowable. Through my experiences, I have been able to prove that Joseph Smith was right. God is knowable, and when we understand who God is, what He wants, and what He has done, we can develop a powerful faith in God that helps us understand ourselves and our role in God's plan. The scriptures are the best tool to understand what God has done, as they are a record of how God has interacted with His children. In addition to the scriptures, I have learned about God through my own experiences, and I would like to offer a brief summary of what I have learned about my Heavenly Father through this fusion of experience and revelation.
1. Prayer is the gateway to understanding God and His plan for us.
When I was in college, I took a course called "Philosophy of Religion," where I got an eye-opening glimpse into the ways philosophers have been trying to describe, prove, or disprove God since humankind began. The most important thing that I learned was that while great thinkers from Russel to Aquinas tried with all their might to discover the truth about God the way that we discover truth about the natural world (i.e. arguments of reason, proofs, etc.), I had already learned more than they knew when I was a child. Furthermore, I have heard testimony from various individuals who had a similar experiences at similar ages, which means that I'm not unique because of the knowledge I received, but rather, these experiences testify of the method in which I received my knowledge: prayer. Millennia of reason have failed to prove conclusively whether or not God exists or even what His attributes are, but in one moment of thoughtful, sincere prayer, any person can learn for his or herself that God is there. Prayer is the power to communicate directly to God, to speak to Him as a child speaks to a father, and as such, prayer is one of the most important and useful powers given to human beings. If you want to know anything about God, I recommend that you ask Him.
2. God exists, and He will confirm His existence to us if we ask Him.
I remember what it was like before I knew that God lives. I was very young, and very confused. My parents took me to church ever since I was born, and though I enjoyed going, I distinctly remember coming home and being very conflicted about the truth of what I was being told. I had been taught that there was a being that had the power to create me, love me, and sacrifice for my well-being, and yet I was never expected to see this being in the entire course of my life. It was an easy thing to doubt. Doubt consumed my little body and tormented me with conflict until one day when I bowed my head and said four words: "God, are you there?" It wasn't the first time I had asked, but it was the sincerest I had ever uttered the question, and sufficed to say, I was overpowered with a strong response in the positive. The response was so strong, in fact, that even in my weakest, darkest moments, I have never been able to deny that it happened. For me, denying the existence of my Heavenly Father would be as nonsensical as denying the existence of my earthly father, and I know for a fact that this knowledge isn't reserved for any elite group of people, but rather it is open and available to anyone who wants it. If you want to know if God lives, all you have to do is kneel in prayer and say these words with a pure, sincere heart: "God, are you there?" If the answer doesn't come right away, don't be discouraged; just ask again. The answer isn't always instant, but it will come.
3. The more we pray, the more we learn who God is and what He means to us.
You can never get to know a person by seeing them from the other side of the room. Someone can point to that person and say, "That is Miles Stephanolopolis," and you can instantly be aware that a person named Miles Stephanolopolis exists. But knowing about Miles's existence is essentially worthless compared to knowing what kind of person Miles is. He could have the potential to be your greatest friend or worst enemy. He could have been plotting your destruction for years or not even be aware that you exist. The only way to know is to go up to Miles and talk to him, and the more time you talk to Miles, the more you come to understand his worldview, his accomplishments, his character, and ultimately, you develop a relationship of one kind or another. The same principle applies to our relationship with God. When we talk to God, and we receive answers from Him, we become acquainted with God's character. My prayers to God have revealed a benevolent being, a being who loves me with a perfect love, who wants me to be happy, and who understands that He has to teach me to do things that I don't understand in order for me to be happy. I have heard many talk of a vengeful God, of a God who apparently enjoys thrusting souls to the bowels of Hell and takes pleasure in punishing the sinner. This sounds to me to be a description of Satan, and bears no resemblance to the God that I have been communicating with for two decades. If God ever punishes someone, the punishment has the purpose of teaching correct principles. If God tells us to do something or to live a certain way, it doesn't mean that he is trying to enslave us, but that He is trying to teach us how to be free. That's just who God is, and the more you talk to God, the more you'll learn this for yourself.
4. God is deeply invested in our success.
The scriptures teach us that God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus the Christ, to earth for the benefit of all of the children of God. In order for any human being to be saved, Jesus Christ had to be sacrificed to redeem to us from the Fall and cleanse us from our sins. This sacrifice was the most painful, excruciating experience that any person has ever experienced, causing Jesus Christ, "the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that [He] might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink (Doctrine and Covenants 19:18). The Atonement, the redemption that came to pass because God and Christ did not shrink, is described by modern prophets as infinite, and the sacrifice was of the same magnitude. God gave everything He had for us, His only Son of the flesh, who was perfect and blameless from birth, and was born specifically for this end. He literally watched as His perfect Son was mocked and debased, saw as He suffered as much suffering as is possible to bear, and let His best servant die at the hands of hard-hearted sinners without a shred of intervention. This was all for us. The sacrifice gave us the choice, the opportunity to allow Christ to redeem us and return to the arms of God Himself. When I pray and feel the presence of God, the presence I feel is benevolent, caring, and positive. Because of this, I am convinced that this grand sacrifice was only the down payment in what God has sacrificed for us, because He spends every ounce of His infinite power and knowledge to watch over each of us, provide for each of us, and help each of us find the way back to Him. He only wants what's good for us. He wants us to succeed with all of His heart, and with everything He has. He wants us to be redeemed, and he has already invested too much in us to ever give up on us.
I have a lot more to say on the subject, but in the interest of length, I plan on postponing the rest until next Tuesday. In the meantime, I encourage you, Gentle Reader, to take Joseph Smith's counsel and find out what you can learn about God. I believe that it's a life-long process, but I also believe that it's worth it.
Joseph Smith, a man who I believe was a prophet of God, said, "Let us here observe, that three things are necessary in order that any rational and intelligent being may exercise faith in God unto life and salvation. First, the idea that he actually exists. Secondly, a correct idea of his character, perfections, and attributes. Thirdly, an actual knowledge that the course of life which he is pursuing is according to his will. For without an acquaintance with these three important facts, the faith of every rational being must be imperfect and unproductive; but with this understanding it can become perfect and fruitful, abounding in righteousness, unto the praise and glory of God the Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ [sic](Lectures on Faith 3: 2-5)." I find these words extraordinarily profound, because they not only mean that we cannot worship God without understanding who and what He is, but it boldly contradicts the common belief that God is unknowable. Through my experiences, I have been able to prove that Joseph Smith was right. God is knowable, and when we understand who God is, what He wants, and what He has done, we can develop a powerful faith in God that helps us understand ourselves and our role in God's plan. The scriptures are the best tool to understand what God has done, as they are a record of how God has interacted with His children. In addition to the scriptures, I have learned about God through my own experiences, and I would like to offer a brief summary of what I have learned about my Heavenly Father through this fusion of experience and revelation.
1. Prayer is the gateway to understanding God and His plan for us.
When I was in college, I took a course called "Philosophy of Religion," where I got an eye-opening glimpse into the ways philosophers have been trying to describe, prove, or disprove God since humankind began. The most important thing that I learned was that while great thinkers from Russel to Aquinas tried with all their might to discover the truth about God the way that we discover truth about the natural world (i.e. arguments of reason, proofs, etc.), I had already learned more than they knew when I was a child. Furthermore, I have heard testimony from various individuals who had a similar experiences at similar ages, which means that I'm not unique because of the knowledge I received, but rather, these experiences testify of the method in which I received my knowledge: prayer. Millennia of reason have failed to prove conclusively whether or not God exists or even what His attributes are, but in one moment of thoughtful, sincere prayer, any person can learn for his or herself that God is there. Prayer is the power to communicate directly to God, to speak to Him as a child speaks to a father, and as such, prayer is one of the most important and useful powers given to human beings. If you want to know anything about God, I recommend that you ask Him.
2. God exists, and He will confirm His existence to us if we ask Him.
I remember what it was like before I knew that God lives. I was very young, and very confused. My parents took me to church ever since I was born, and though I enjoyed going, I distinctly remember coming home and being very conflicted about the truth of what I was being told. I had been taught that there was a being that had the power to create me, love me, and sacrifice for my well-being, and yet I was never expected to see this being in the entire course of my life. It was an easy thing to doubt. Doubt consumed my little body and tormented me with conflict until one day when I bowed my head and said four words: "God, are you there?" It wasn't the first time I had asked, but it was the sincerest I had ever uttered the question, and sufficed to say, I was overpowered with a strong response in the positive. The response was so strong, in fact, that even in my weakest, darkest moments, I have never been able to deny that it happened. For me, denying the existence of my Heavenly Father would be as nonsensical as denying the existence of my earthly father, and I know for a fact that this knowledge isn't reserved for any elite group of people, but rather it is open and available to anyone who wants it. If you want to know if God lives, all you have to do is kneel in prayer and say these words with a pure, sincere heart: "God, are you there?" If the answer doesn't come right away, don't be discouraged; just ask again. The answer isn't always instant, but it will come.
3. The more we pray, the more we learn who God is and what He means to us.
You can never get to know a person by seeing them from the other side of the room. Someone can point to that person and say, "That is Miles Stephanolopolis," and you can instantly be aware that a person named Miles Stephanolopolis exists. But knowing about Miles's existence is essentially worthless compared to knowing what kind of person Miles is. He could have the potential to be your greatest friend or worst enemy. He could have been plotting your destruction for years or not even be aware that you exist. The only way to know is to go up to Miles and talk to him, and the more time you talk to Miles, the more you come to understand his worldview, his accomplishments, his character, and ultimately, you develop a relationship of one kind or another. The same principle applies to our relationship with God. When we talk to God, and we receive answers from Him, we become acquainted with God's character. My prayers to God have revealed a benevolent being, a being who loves me with a perfect love, who wants me to be happy, and who understands that He has to teach me to do things that I don't understand in order for me to be happy. I have heard many talk of a vengeful God, of a God who apparently enjoys thrusting souls to the bowels of Hell and takes pleasure in punishing the sinner. This sounds to me to be a description of Satan, and bears no resemblance to the God that I have been communicating with for two decades. If God ever punishes someone, the punishment has the purpose of teaching correct principles. If God tells us to do something or to live a certain way, it doesn't mean that he is trying to enslave us, but that He is trying to teach us how to be free. That's just who God is, and the more you talk to God, the more you'll learn this for yourself.
4. God is deeply invested in our success.
The scriptures teach us that God sent His Only Begotten Son, Jesus the Christ, to earth for the benefit of all of the children of God. In order for any human being to be saved, Jesus Christ had to be sacrificed to redeem to us from the Fall and cleanse us from our sins. This sacrifice was the most painful, excruciating experience that any person has ever experienced, causing Jesus Christ, "the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that [He] might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink (Doctrine and Covenants 19:18). The Atonement, the redemption that came to pass because God and Christ did not shrink, is described by modern prophets as infinite, and the sacrifice was of the same magnitude. God gave everything He had for us, His only Son of the flesh, who was perfect and blameless from birth, and was born specifically for this end. He literally watched as His perfect Son was mocked and debased, saw as He suffered as much suffering as is possible to bear, and let His best servant die at the hands of hard-hearted sinners without a shred of intervention. This was all for us. The sacrifice gave us the choice, the opportunity to allow Christ to redeem us and return to the arms of God Himself. When I pray and feel the presence of God, the presence I feel is benevolent, caring, and positive. Because of this, I am convinced that this grand sacrifice was only the down payment in what God has sacrificed for us, because He spends every ounce of His infinite power and knowledge to watch over each of us, provide for each of us, and help each of us find the way back to Him. He only wants what's good for us. He wants us to succeed with all of His heart, and with everything He has. He wants us to be redeemed, and he has already invested too much in us to ever give up on us.
I have a lot more to say on the subject, but in the interest of length, I plan on postponing the rest until next Tuesday. In the meantime, I encourage you, Gentle Reader, to take Joseph Smith's counsel and find out what you can learn about God. I believe that it's a life-long process, but I also believe that it's worth it.
Regards, best wishes, and unshakable faith,
-Cecily Jane
Friday, April 3, 2009
Novel Excerpt #1
My Dear Reader,
This is a small sample of the book I'm trying to write by the end of April. It's essentially about a group of super smart people—a think tank—who solves problems in order to better the world. The two characters in this excerpt are Dolores and Phillip, and while Dolores is the leader of the group, this conversation will prove that there's a lot more going on here than you might expect. You are welcome to ask questions in the comments, but I may not answer them to your satisfaction (before you ask: Sam's a cat).
Dolores woke up to the phone ringing, and immediately regretted opening her eyes. It wasn’t until she was blinded by the light that was streaming in from the window that she realized how sore she was from her night in an awkward position on a stiff chair. The phone seemed to be particularly screechy this morning, despite all of the time that Dolores had spent deliberating over which of the tacky options offered grated on her nerves the least. It could only be worse if Brandon was on the line.
“Hello.” Dolores rubbed the shooting pain in her left hip and blinked until the room came into focus. She debated sitting at her nook for a few seconds before she decided that she was too tired to get over there.
“Dolores? You don’t sound happy. It’s Phil.”
“Hello, Phillip.”
“Are you okay? I can come over.”
“No, no,” she said as she spotted a pile of books that had been knocked over while she had stumbled for the phone. “I’m just . . . I’m just tired.” She tried to straighten the books with one hand while she held the phone to her ear with the other.
“Dolores, it’s one in the afternoon.”
“Yes, well, it was a long night last night.”
“Right. That’s why I called. What did you come up with?”
Dolores had to stop and think about that one for a second. What did happen last night? He was probably calling about something specific, she could tell from the tone in his voice. Something he would have known about. Something that they had talked about . . .
“Are you still there?” Phillip seemed to be less patient than usual.
“Yes, of course. I just have this headache and . . .” Oh, yes. The group had met last night. About Caroline. “They couldn’t find anything, and we even brought James in.”
“That’s impossible. You had to come up with some suspects at least.”
Suspects. Yes. “We have a list . . . somewhere.” She scanned the floor for a while before she realized with a sigh that it was directly underneath the pile of books that she had just finished. “Hold on.” She put the phone down so she could reach down and get the paper—not an easy task for a woman her age—and she turned back to find that Demeter, the earth-brown kitten with one white paw, was meowing into the receiver.
“Who was that?” Phillip asked after Dolores had picked the kitten up and placed her gently on the floor.
“Demeter . . . the brown one.”
“Is that the one that keeps tracking in mud?”
“Unfortunately. I haven’t let her out in a while, though, so she’s clean today.”
“Okay, so what do you have for me?” Phillip had that annoying pep in his voice that he used whenever he wanted to keep Dolores focused.
“Six names, no . . . seven. I don’t recognize any of them, but I think that James is going to bring us some research tonight.”
“Is he coming in person?”
“He said he was. Are you?”
“Yes. Definitely. Sorry about last night; I’ve had some families who are going through some hard times right now. I told you about the layoffs, right?”
“Yes, and . . .”
“Yes, I know.” Phillip said with a pause. It wasn’t hard to detect the frustration in Dolores’s voice. “I know that you called the company. It’s that CEO’s fault, not yours. It’s just too bad that my flock has to pay for his mistakes.”
“It’s horrible, that’s what it is.”
“Well, let’s talk about things that we can control, shall we? What do you want me to tell Caroline when I call her?”
“If it were anyone else, I’d say that we should give her the names and have her tell us if they ring a bell. But with Caroline . . .”
“Yeah, I know. The Christmas party all over again. Does George think that this is even a threat?”
“There’s no way to know, not yet,” Dolores sighed into the phone, “I had this dream that an army of sentient computers was rising against her, but I don’t think that theory holds any water.”
“You mean because there are no sentient computers?”
“Well, that and also because of Caroline’s record of supporting technological advancement. I just don’t see why . . . I mean it would be rather ironic if . . .”
“Dolores . . .”
“Well, fantastic or not, it is the only theory that we’ve had so far. The numbers don’t really make sense in binary, or any other numerical code that we know of. I think that I’ll ask James to look at the numbers and see if he can make any sense of them, but Hannah and George are probably our best bets in that department.”
“Are they coming tonight?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And what about Ute?”
“James is coming, too. That makes you, me . . . six in all, with Lot.”
“Why do we need Lot?”
“I think that he needs us more than we need him.”
“Ah. Well, I’m sure we can keep him busy. Dolores?”
“Yes?”
Phillip gave the kind of pause he liked to give when he was trying to word something carefully, “Dolores, why don’t you call Caroline this time? She told me last week that she wants to hear from you.”
“Oh, no she doesn’t.” Her head suddenly hurt a lot more, and her stomach didn’t feel much better. “She’s just . . . I . . . I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Yes she does. She’s your friend too, remember? And you know that she isn’t going to care what you’re wearing when you talk to her on the phone. She won’t make you teleconference or anything. She won’t even know.”
“It’s just . . . no. you talk to her. You’re so good at it. And you have kids to talk about when she asks. No, you call her.”
“Fine, Dolores, but I promise that she really wants to hear from you. Besides, what am I supposed to say when she asks why you’re never available? Caroline doesn’t understand things like that. She’ll think that I’m keeping you away from her.”
Before Dolores could think up an excuse, Sam jumped on her lap, in an obvious search for attention. She rubbed the back of Sam’s head thoughtfully for a second before she responded. “I can’t talk to her, Phillip. I can’t.”
Phillip must have heard the shakiness of Dolores’s voice, and perhaps he could hear how weak she suddenly felt, because he dropped the subject, promised to call Caroline, and told her how much he looked forward to seeing her that evening. As soon as she heard the dial tone, the phone dropped from her hand, and Dolores sank to her knees, feeling a paralyzing wave of anxiety wash over her entire body. There were too many memories, too many lost opportunities, pulsating with disappointment, embarrassment, and guilt. She was going to drown in it all.
-Cecily Jane
This is a small sample of the book I'm trying to write by the end of April. It's essentially about a group of super smart people—a think tank—who solves problems in order to better the world. The two characters in this excerpt are Dolores and Phillip, and while Dolores is the leader of the group, this conversation will prove that there's a lot more going on here than you might expect. You are welcome to ask questions in the comments, but I may not answer them to your satisfaction (before you ask: Sam's a cat).
Think Tank: Excerpt #1
Dolores woke up to the phone ringing, and immediately regretted opening her eyes. It wasn’t until she was blinded by the light that was streaming in from the window that she realized how sore she was from her night in an awkward position on a stiff chair. The phone seemed to be particularly screechy this morning, despite all of the time that Dolores had spent deliberating over which of the tacky options offered grated on her nerves the least. It could only be worse if Brandon was on the line.
“Hello.” Dolores rubbed the shooting pain in her left hip and blinked until the room came into focus. She debated sitting at her nook for a few seconds before she decided that she was too tired to get over there.
“Dolores? You don’t sound happy. It’s Phil.”
“Hello, Phillip.”
“Are you okay? I can come over.”
“No, no,” she said as she spotted a pile of books that had been knocked over while she had stumbled for the phone. “I’m just . . . I’m just tired.” She tried to straighten the books with one hand while she held the phone to her ear with the other.
“Dolores, it’s one in the afternoon.”
“Yes, well, it was a long night last night.”
“Right. That’s why I called. What did you come up with?”
Dolores had to stop and think about that one for a second. What did happen last night? He was probably calling about something specific, she could tell from the tone in his voice. Something he would have known about. Something that they had talked about . . .
“Are you still there?” Phillip seemed to be less patient than usual.
“Yes, of course. I just have this headache and . . .” Oh, yes. The group had met last night. About Caroline. “They couldn’t find anything, and we even brought James in.”
“That’s impossible. You had to come up with some suspects at least.”
Suspects. Yes. “We have a list . . . somewhere.” She scanned the floor for a while before she realized with a sigh that it was directly underneath the pile of books that she had just finished. “Hold on.” She put the phone down so she could reach down and get the paper—not an easy task for a woman her age—and she turned back to find that Demeter, the earth-brown kitten with one white paw, was meowing into the receiver.
“Who was that?” Phillip asked after Dolores had picked the kitten up and placed her gently on the floor.
“Demeter . . . the brown one.”
“Is that the one that keeps tracking in mud?”
“Unfortunately. I haven’t let her out in a while, though, so she’s clean today.”
“Okay, so what do you have for me?” Phillip had that annoying pep in his voice that he used whenever he wanted to keep Dolores focused.
“Six names, no . . . seven. I don’t recognize any of them, but I think that James is going to bring us some research tonight.”
“Is he coming in person?”
“He said he was. Are you?”
“Yes. Definitely. Sorry about last night; I’ve had some families who are going through some hard times right now. I told you about the layoffs, right?”
“Yes, and . . .”
“Yes, I know.” Phillip said with a pause. It wasn’t hard to detect the frustration in Dolores’s voice. “I know that you called the company. It’s that CEO’s fault, not yours. It’s just too bad that my flock has to pay for his mistakes.”
“It’s horrible, that’s what it is.”
“Well, let’s talk about things that we can control, shall we? What do you want me to tell Caroline when I call her?”
“If it were anyone else, I’d say that we should give her the names and have her tell us if they ring a bell. But with Caroline . . .”
“Yeah, I know. The Christmas party all over again. Does George think that this is even a threat?”
“There’s no way to know, not yet,” Dolores sighed into the phone, “I had this dream that an army of sentient computers was rising against her, but I don’t think that theory holds any water.”
“You mean because there are no sentient computers?”
“Well, that and also because of Caroline’s record of supporting technological advancement. I just don’t see why . . . I mean it would be rather ironic if . . .”
“Dolores . . .”
“Well, fantastic or not, it is the only theory that we’ve had so far. The numbers don’t really make sense in binary, or any other numerical code that we know of. I think that I’ll ask James to look at the numbers and see if he can make any sense of them, but Hannah and George are probably our best bets in that department.”
“Are they coming tonight?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And what about Ute?”
“James is coming, too. That makes you, me . . . six in all, with Lot.”
“Why do we need Lot?”
“I think that he needs us more than we need him.”
“Ah. Well, I’m sure we can keep him busy. Dolores?”
“Yes?”
Phillip gave the kind of pause he liked to give when he was trying to word something carefully, “Dolores, why don’t you call Caroline this time? She told me last week that she wants to hear from you.”
“Oh, no she doesn’t.” Her head suddenly hurt a lot more, and her stomach didn’t feel much better. “She’s just . . . I . . . I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Yes she does. She’s your friend too, remember? And you know that she isn’t going to care what you’re wearing when you talk to her on the phone. She won’t make you teleconference or anything. She won’t even know.”
“It’s just . . . no. you talk to her. You’re so good at it. And you have kids to talk about when she asks. No, you call her.”
“Fine, Dolores, but I promise that she really wants to hear from you. Besides, what am I supposed to say when she asks why you’re never available? Caroline doesn’t understand things like that. She’ll think that I’m keeping you away from her.”
Before Dolores could think up an excuse, Sam jumped on her lap, in an obvious search for attention. She rubbed the back of Sam’s head thoughtfully for a second before she responded. “I can’t talk to her, Phillip. I can’t.”
Phillip must have heard the shakiness of Dolores’s voice, and perhaps he could hear how weak she suddenly felt, because he dropped the subject, promised to call Caroline, and told her how much he looked forward to seeing her that evening. As soon as she heard the dial tone, the phone dropped from her hand, and Dolores sank to her knees, feeling a paralyzing wave of anxiety wash over her entire body. There were too many memories, too many lost opportunities, pulsating with disappointment, embarrassment, and guilt. She was going to drown in it all.
-Cecily Jane
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)