Tuesday, June 12, 2007

You Know You Live in Utah When . . .

My Dear Reader,

You know you live in Utah when your hair is bigger than your waist, or when your best hair products are high in protein and cholesterol and come from the fridge.

You know you live in Utah when the weather report is the most exciting part of the 11:00 news.

You know you live in Utah when you go to see what they have to sell at the sell, or you just bought a new four-weller, or you want to praise the lard and sing all hell to Jesus' name.

You know you live in Utah when you put the play in pleasure.

You know you live in Utah when you start talking about Relief Society or Nephi or BYU in the supermarket and the people around you actually know what you're talking about.

You know you live in Utah when everyone around you asks what it's like to be an only child.

You know you live in Utah when you and your soda pop are on a last-name basis.

You know you live in Utah whenever anyone utters the phrase "Oh my heck!"

You know you live in Utah when you get brownies at your doorstep at least once a week, or when you're sick and five separate people show up at your door with chicken soup.

You know you live in Utah when you only have to lock your doors on Sunday during church.

You know you live in Utah when your neighbor gives you a 2-liter of root beer dressed up as Rudolph for Christmas*.

You know you live in Utah when you consider hanging out a sin, or when you're over 20 and single and people give a care.

You know you live in Utah when a question asked is not as important as the creative way in which it was presented.

You know you live in Utah when everyone plays some kind of musical instruments, or when the ward actually has talent.

You know you live in Utah when people use apostasize as a verb and recommend as a noun as if they're actually supposed to be used that way.

You know you live in Utah when people pass on the right, run red lights, and think of turning signals as an added bonus.

You know you're in Utah when license plate frames that say things like RULDS2? are completely pointless.


Regards, best wishes, and signs of warning,


-Cecily Jane

*Okay, that's a true story; it happened to my aunt. It was a very cute Rudolph.

4 comments:

Starla said...

Did you make these up? They are hilarious! How are you doing Cecily? I haven't seen you in ages!

Cecily Jane said...

I'm doing well, getting ready to graduate in April and trying to work on getting some writing published. The Rudolph thing actually happened to my aunt, and most of the other things I've just observed. A Californian in Utah . . . you know how that goes.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually a Utahn in California. My friends and I were looking up these things randomly in a class and almost all of them applied. We laughed so hard I almost peed myself. I love them!!! My friend said that he wanted to look these things up once a day and ask me if any of them apply to me. Thanks so much for posting them!!

Anonymous said...

Utah to California. That's a big switch. I live in Utah currently and these applied to me also!!