My Dear Reader,
Are you sick of the way that healthcare is run today? Don't you hate it when you have some problem or other and the doctor doesn't know what's wrong with you? While we live in a country that has the most advanced medicinal practices in the world, I think that you, Gentle Reader, would agree with me that it's just not good enough. Now, you might think that I'm going to go into some big long debate over how to fix the system through funding or socialism or something, but I'm not. Instead of arguing over what I think might work, I'll just give you one simple, easy solution that will solve everything. You see, there's one person who could revolutionize healthcare forever, someone who can solve all of our health-related problems, and that person is Star Trek: The Next Generation's own Dr. Beverly Crusher. If you vote for her for president, all of our problems will be solved!
Okay, so I know that she's a fictional character, but have you ever seen her at work? She's simply amazing. If you're ever on the Enterprise and something happens, Dr. Crusher's got you covered. Is a creepy ambassador using you as a psychic waste dump? Dr. Crusher can break the link. Do you need to deliver a space-born life form after your ship accidentally killed the mother? Dr. Crusher knows what to do. Are you suffering from polywater intoxication? Dr. Crusher can cure you while she's intoxicated herself! There's just no limit to this woman's potential.
I know what you're thinking, Gentle Reader: why haven't I considered all of the other doctors that Starfleet has come up with? Why choose Beverly Crusher? Well, I'm sure that all of the other candidates are great guys, but they've all got one thing against them: they are men. As the only female Chief Medical Officer on a Star Trek series, she can finally give Americans what they're looking for: a female president. Besides having two X chromosomes, Dr. Crusher possesses other skills, such as unlimited selflessness. Unlike Dr. Bashir or The Doctor, Dr. Crusher is more worried about her patients than she is about her social status among the crew. And unlike Dr. Phlox or Dr. McCoy, Dr. Crusher is up-to-date on the science of the now and has distinct leadership qualities. Have you ever seen Bones captain the Enterprise? While The Doctor would be hitting on you, Dr. Crusher would be looking for the cure to your disease. While Dr. Bashir is trying to hide the fact that he is genetically enhanced, Dr. Crusher is curing people. And while Dr. Phlox is feeding his Pyrithian bat, Dr. Crusher is curing diseases that haven't been invented yet.
Now, I know what you're thinking this time: why should you vote for a presidential candidate who rocks on a medicinal level only? Couldn't we put her as Surgeon General or something and have a Starfleet captain in the White House instead? Well, you're right. Janeway would be pretty amazing as a president. But Dr. Crusher's skills aren't only limited to gender and medicine. She also does covert ops, dances better than Data, and broke a curse that had plagued her family for generations. Obviously, this is a woman with many hats, a woman you should elect president.
If somebody that awesome were given the most powerful position on the planet, don't you think that she could cure every problem that ever existed? I definitely do. At the rate she has already established on television, Dr. Crusher would probably cure AIDS, Alzheimer's, cancer, and the flu in her first month of office. Once she has found a cure to every disease known to humanity, she can go to work making sure that our healthcare system at large is up to Starfleet specs. Imagine all of the time that would be saved from filling out papers once all medical records are easily available through a central computer! And what if instead of some doctor poking and prodding you to hazard a guess at what is wrong, he or she can know in seconds by scanning you with a nifty tricorder. If you need to be treated, they can just zap you with some high-tech gadget instead of making you go through surgery and junk.
Most of all, Dr. Crusher has the professional ethics to make sure that doctors are in it for you and not for their pockets. Did you see what she did when Dr. Toby Russel tried to use her own patients as research subjects? Wouldn't it be the best thing ever if every doctor in America were held under the same standards? Heck, wouldn't it be awesome if every bureaucrat/government official were held under the same standards?
So vote for Dr. Beverly Crusher for president in 2008. Change.
All kidding aside though, I can't help but envy Dr. Crusher's patients whenever I watch TNG. They've just got it so easy in the future! And I actually would vote for her if she was real and running.
Regards, best wishes, and candidates,