Tuesday, March 24, 2009

By the Universe, You Mean God, Right?

My Dear Reader,

It somewhat confuses me that people when people say things like "If you didn't win[,] don't blame me[,] blame the universe," or "Sometimes, the universe brings you the wrong kind of French toast." I mean, since when did the universe become sentient? As far as I'm aware, it's still just a glorified collection of stuff. Some carbon over here, some iron over there, and a whole lot of hydrogen way off yonder. You might as well say, "just blame dirt." Sure, it doesn't sound as nice, but the only real difference is the scale. Let's play with this a little:

Man: Man, is my life awful.

Woman: Oh, I wouldn't worry if I were you. Sooner or later, the dirt will send you something good.

Man: The dirt? You mean like soil?

Woman: It's a metaphor, Dear.

Man: Well, I get that, but it seems to me that you've anthropomorphized seemingly random occurrences in order to soothe me.

Woman: Bollocks.

If you clicked that second link, you are probably wondering right now what I'm doing reading Hillary Clinton blogs, but sufficed to say those guys really know how to write about food. Also, I was always wondering what Rory Gilmore was talking about. But if you read that website, you start to think that these guys aren't all that into God. Especially when they say, "Because they were religious people, don’t you know (Don't click unless you're ready to be offended)." When a person writes a poison-tipped sentence like that, you start to think that they're talking about "the universe" because they think that there's something wrong with talking about God.

I read stuff like that and I think, "Dude. Most people are religious. Like, somewhere around ninety-five percent are. I don't agree with everything that every religious person does, but if you honestly think that calling people 'the religious type' is a distinguishing factor, then that's just because American culture has shamed people into believing that any kind of belief is offensive."

There are a lot of things that I'm ashamed of. For example, there was the the time I lied to my ninth grade biology teacher and told her that I had come on the bus so she wouldn't give me detention for being late. That was a pretty shameful thing to do. It might sound petty, but it's not like I've been personally involved in any grand atrocities. Still, my religion is something that I hope to never be ashamed of. Sure, I've opened my mouth a few times when I shouldn't have, and yeah, when I was a kid I might have shoved my beliefs down a throat or two, but other than that, I can't think of how being religious has led me to do anything shameful. In fact, it's been quite the opposite. If I didn't believe that I was a child of God, and that being who I am means that I have to live a certain way, I'm pretty sure that I would have a lot more shameful things to look back on in my life.*

So, this whole personification of the universe thing just seems a little silly, in the long run. I know that God probably did it, and while ninety-five percent of the world will probably agree with me on that one, one hundred percent can agree that it's definitely not the universe. And in the grand scheme of things, it's my religion and it can practice it openly if I want to.

Regards, best wishes, and courage,

-Cecily Jane

*Oh, and I don't fall for the "you should feel guilty because some guys a thousand years ago took your religion and morphed it into a five-headed beast" thing, either. No way I'm taking the fall for some people who didn't even hurt you personally in an incident that I wasn't involved in. You want to find someone to blame, go ahead and dig up those graves and spit on the skeletons. I'm sure it will solve all of your problems. (How's that for a poison-tipped sentence?)

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