How to Fix America

[Note: Cecily probably has no idea what she is talking about, but she does have a college degree. In English.]

My Dear Reader,

You may be aware that Congress is now debating bill that will "reform" healthcare, or in other words, change every aspect of our healthcare system forever. Every aspect forever.

Of course, you may have a different opinion on universal healthcare than I do. You may think that government-run healthcare is a great idea. But you can't possibly disagree with me about this particular bill that it now in congress, because you don't know what's in it. No one knows what's in it.

No one.

No one has read this bill. No one, not even Barack Obama, the guy who is behind the bill in the first place. He publicly admitted it. That's because it's longer than an unabridged copy of Les Misérables. We are using a piece of legislation to fundamentally change the structure of this country, and we don't even know what that legislation is.

Does that seem right to you?

Think about it this way:

*

When I was in elementary school, and when I was taught about the structure of the government, I had this crazy idea that we (the people) elected representatives and sent them to Washington. Representatives, as in people who represent our interests and try to get things done the way we want them to get done. How naive! The more I pay attention to politics, the more I realize that politicians aren't really representatives as much as they are your less-than-average English major.

You see, if Les Misérables is assigned reading in a college English class, a majority of the class will read it, while the rest will just use Wikipedia and Sparknotes to get by. It is possible to get a degree in English without reading a single book, if you do it right. (And don't care about grades.) I mean, some people can manage to write a ten-page research paper on books they've never even glanced at. This is exactly what President Obama did when he had a press conference on a bill he hadn't read. He did the English major equivalent of being an annoying, unabashed slacker. Like that slacker, he thinks he can fool you into thinking he knows what he's talking about.

Of course, most of our legislative representatives aren't any better.

Do you know what English teachers do to get their students to actually read Les Misérables? They went through the system; they know that people are trying to pull fast ones on them. Do you know what they do to stop Obama-style slackers? They use a tactic that is the bane of slackers and the mild annoyance of good students: the reading check quiz. They give you a quiz on Les Misérables that covers what websites don't. The more aggressive the teacher is about reading check quizzes, the higher the percentage of students who do the reading. These are the teachers that the slackers avoid, and these are the teachers that we (the people) need to be like.

Imagine a United States where the constitution has a 28th amendment. This amendment, put into law by an outcry of those who were sick and tired of Obama-style slackers, states that before a House representative or senator can vote on a bill, that politician has to first pass a detailed reading check quiz on that bill. Then, the politician has to sign a legally binding document saying he/she had read the bill in its entirety and understands completely what the bill is. If we find out that the politician actually hasn't read the bill, we then have the opportunity to replace them with someone who will.

Or maybe that 28th amendment says that there are two kinds of congressional sessions. The first session is when congress presents and debates the bill, and the second is devoted only to voting on bills. Between these two sessions, there is a mandatory recess, where each representative is required to return to his/her district and have a series of town hall meetings where he/she is then must explain what the heck is going on in Washington. You go debate, then you explain to the people, and then you vote. It may just be crazy enough to get our representatives to actually represent us!

Our political representatives should be the best students out there, not the slacker who sits in the back and makes you pull all the weight on group assignments. I think that no matter what side of the aisle we're on, we can all agree that you're not really acting effectively unless you really understand what exactly you're doing, just like you don't know what happens in Les Misérables unless you read it.

Just think about the other bills like this that have been rushed through without anyone taking a second glance. You know, like the Patriot Act? Or TARP? Do we really want to add to the list?

We have the unique opportunity to give our representatives a reading check quiz on this healthcare bill, because it looks like there actually will be a recess before they go back to vote on it. So we can go to these town hall meetings and makes sure they know what the heck is going on. We have the unique opportunity to go to our politicians and give them a college-style, no-nonsense reading check quiz on this bill. I highly encourage you to do just that.

You know, it's either that or create a musical version.

Regards, best wishes, and representation,

-Cecily Jane

P.S. You know, despite what you say about Sarah Palin, I betcha she could pass those reading check quizzes every time. And yes, she reads. If you don't believe me, click here and fast forward to 3:26.

*Yeah, I know Glenn Beck has a reputation for being less than sane. But if you don't look at him as an average political commentator, and instead look at him as a Mormon (which he is, by the way), then you start to recognize his MO: object lessons**. Watching his show is like a big-budgeted, politically-charged version of my entire Young Women's experience. On acid.

**Object lessons are a way of teaching where you have a specific object which you use as a metaphor for the concept you are trying to teach. You know, like when they're talking about time management, and they bring in a jar with sand and big rocks, and the sand represents unimportant tasks, and the big rocks represent big ones? If you put the sand in the jar first, you can't fit in the rocks, but if you put the rocks in first, everything fits. This paragraph can also be used as a coupon to get out of time management classes. And yes, I did just explain my explanation. So there.