The other day, I was having a conversation with my friends that went something like this:
Cecily: You know, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to get shot.
Friends 1 & 2: WHAT?
Cecily: You know, with a bullet-proof vest on.
Friend 1: You mean bullet-resistant vest.
Cecily: Okay, sure.
Friend 2: Why on Earth would you ever want to be shot? With a gun? You hate guns!
Cecily: Well, I'm thinking of having one of my characters get shot in something I'm writing, and I want to be able to fully describe the experience.
Friend 1: Oh, so you're insane.
Cecily: No, just incredibly curious.
Friend 2: I knew a guy who got shot. He was a police officer. He said it was like someone hitting you with a baseball bat as hard as they can.
Cecily: Well, I'd like to see for myself. I just need to find someone with a bullet-proof vest and someone else who's willing to shoot me.
Friend 1: Bullet-resistant.
Cecily: Whatever.
Yes, I am aware that this sounds crazy.
Have you ever watched a movie and said to yourself, "I wonder what it's like to fall off a skyscraper," or something? I think that all the time. I've also wondered what it felt like to pass out or bleed excessively. I wonder what it's like to feel a hot piece of metal hit you with excessive force, and what the bruises feel like after. I know it sounds certifiable, but trust me, I'm really, really not into hurting myself. I'm a depressive, but even I have my limits. I knew people in high school who were, and I had a really hard time wrapping my head around that one.* Pain and I are not fans of each other, and I abhor violence. And just so you don't call that hotline, I also wonder what it would be like to do positive things, like flying, walking on the Moon, or winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I envision winning lots of prizes, actually. I'm an imaginative person, and I hope to have a long life full of rich experiences. I would prefer the Academy-Award-Winning-Biopic-type, but I'll take whatever comes my way and try to savor it as it comes.
I don't think it's unusual to have a desire to go through something crazy so you can tell a story about it later. Some people want them so bad that they make them up. Of course, it's stupid to want bad things to happen to you, and there are probably a lot of people out there who look back on their lives and wish that their life had been a little more provincial. Ooh, maybe I should write a story about that. I can write about boring.
By the way, I'm probably never going to be shot, on purpose or otherwise. Especially since Madre reads this, and she's probably planning to lock me in my room right now. And I keep myself out of dangerous situations. And no one in their right mind would ever help me take that risk. And I would never be brave enough to actually go through with it. And I still really, really hate guns.
Sometimes being a coward/having a brain can work towards your advantage.
Regards, best wishes, and I promise I'm not actually going to do it,
-Cecily Jane
*I knew a lot of really messed up kids in high school. Don't worry; they all got help, as people who wish themselves harm should. Somehow, all of us managed to survive into adulthood.
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