Lessons from House/Business Sitting

My Dear Reader,

This past week, I had the opportunity to help out my aunt and uncle while they took their family on vacation. Essentially, my job was to answer phones at my uncle's insurance agency and then stay at their house and take care of their two pugs. It was a pretty sweet gig, all in all, and it was especially nice to get out of my routine for a while. Here are a couple of things I learned in the process:

• It's pretty strange to stay in someone else's house alone overnight, no matter how many holidays and birthdays you've celebrated there. Even though I knew they were in Florida, I kept expecting them to come through the door at any moment and catch me doing something awkward.
• It's even more strange to be in someone else's house alone when you're going through cupboards and closets looking for an extra roll of toilet paper.
• Pugs snore. Like old men.
• Pugs that are used to a family of five find a single working girl extremely, extremely boring. They kept following me around and looking at me like they were expecting me to do something, like I was a one-woman circus.
• I am not a one-woman circus.
• Commuting is really as bad as everyone says! Even though my uncle's office was about fifteen minutes away, it could take me up to an hour to get there with traffic.
• If you want to make sure that you don't have any gaps in coverage, make sure you call the insurance agent before the day you need it. After all, they're allowed to take some time off now and again.
• No matter where you are, even if you don't know your way around, you can always order take-out.

All in all, the worst part of the entire experience was the constant anxiety that came with the responsibility of taking care of another's property. You have no idea how many prayers I prayed asking that the house wouldn't burn down, or I wouldn't crash the car they lent me, or that I wouldn't make some awful mistake that would throw my uncle's entire business out of the window. I guess the extra responsibility got to my head, you know? Luckily, none of my worst fears came true, and I got through it without any major incidents.

Either way, I bet the pugs are ecstatic to have their house good and full again.

Regards, best wishes, and successful stewardship,

-Cecily Jane

Stupid Writers, Tricks Are for Kids!

My Dear Reader,

Sorry about missing last week's post; I've been in somewhat of a creative slump as of late. I suppose that's okay, however, because all of Hollywood seems to be in the same predicament.

I don't know, I guess I expected more after they came back from the writer's strike. I thought those writers would just have so many ideas backed up while they were standing in picket lines that great plots would be coming out of Hollywood as frequently as idiotic remarks come out of Vice President Biden. Please consider, if you will, the great artistic works that have come forth in recent months, the first two that came to my mind being Land of the Lost and Twilight*. Both movies were highly hyped, but ended up earning places in the Movie Hall of Shame. And both, come to think of it, weren't original stories, but rather adapted from books.

This idea the Hollywood has become unoriginal really hit home to me when I heard a discussion on NPR about how Disney Channel and Nickelodeon are carving a TV niche because they have the most original sitcoms in the business. That's kind of sad, isn't it? Sometime I feel like all of the today's sitcoms are just based off of a 90s sitcom that worked. It's been going on for a long time, but I thought that after the writer's strike, things would get better. I don't think they have, do you?

Sometimes I wonder if the writers tried to pull a fast one on us, thinking that we'd be so hard up for non-reality TV that we'd take anything they threw at us, especially if they distract us with some cool CGI sequences and a few dozen explosions. It's like they were offering stagnant swamp water to a man dying of thirst. Well, I'm not buying it anymore. Unless I buy the accompanying RiffTrax, which would make it all bearable.

And while you're at it, feel free to discuss the worst flops or greatest successes in TV or movies in recent memory in the comments. I dare you.

Regards, best wishes, and healthy debate,

-Cecily Jane

*Trust me on this one. Once you get over the fangirl frenzy, you too will realize that this move is worse than The Pumaman (though the special effects were surprisingly similar). The shot where the particular placement of a stuffed owl made Edward an angel made me belly-laugh for two full minutes. I don't think I could have made it through that movie alive without RiffTrax. And by the way, violently moody men who wear paste on their faces and break into your house to watch you sleep don't really do it for me. And shouldn't do it for anybody.

PC Girl Gets a Mac! [Updated]

My Dear Reader,

So I absolutely had to buy a Mac for my new job. It turns out that you can't really edit video on a PC. Before May, the only real contact I'd had with a Mac was with an old (mid-1990s) model the my childhood best friend had. I remember not being very impressed at all, especially with the wallpaper. (When you're in elementary school, the wallpaper is what really matters.)

I admit that the next time I ever thought about a Mac was my first semester in college, when I had a floor-mate who would hand out Mac pamphlets like they were tickets to the Promised Land. She seriously tried to convert us all.

I was slightly turned off.

However, after my vast experience with PCs, and my month of experience with a Mac, I feel that I have the knowledge necessary to compare the two. In all fairness, I'm going to have to compare it to modern PCs and not the one I own, which I bought in 2003 (and named Eris, after the Greek god of discord). The new Mac, by the way, has been christened Catriona, the Scottish version of Catherine. Here's the list of pros and cons so far:

Pros:

• It's pretty.
• It has an eject button right on the keyboard!
• It starts up and shuts down quickly.
• The monitor isn't separate from the tower, which keeps things simple. Less cords equals good.
• It has a lot of media-friendly programs that come with it, like GarageBand and iMovie.
• I think it deserves two bullet points for just how pretty it is.

Cons:

• It came with only half of a keyboard! Instead of coming with the full, ten-key board that is normal for desktops, it came with the condensed version that come on laptops. I use those extra keys for my job, so I had to buy the full keyboard for an extra $50. Blech.
• No right-click on the mouse! Ahhhhh!
• The Safari browser that comes with it likes to close unexpectedly a lot. Especially when I'm trying to get into my Netflix account. Internet Explorer seems a lot more stable.
• I still have to restart the computer whenever I download something or have a problem! The Mac Guy lies!
• It's a lot harder to install extra memory correctly.
• A lot of the cool freeware I like isn't available for a Mac. In general, it seems like if you want to modify a Mac, you're out of luck.
• I don't buy the "Macs never get viruses" thing.
• The free word processor is lame, as is any of the non-media software. It appears that the Mac is only designed to be practical if you're in the entertainment industry.
• Like, every single program on this thing has an "i" in front of it. I want to beat myself with something. iCal for the calendar? Come on!
• There is no SD card slot! In general, if it's not connectible by Firewire or USB, you're out of luck.

The funny thing is that with all things considered, the majority of it is very much the same. With all of these differences, though, I think I'm still a PC girl. Hopefully I'll get used to the change sooner or later, right?

Regards, best wishes, and sorry this post was late,

-Cecily Jane

The Plain Vanilla Cast of Characters

My Dear Reader,

It's official: I now have a Schwager, or in other words, PetiteSoeur is now 100% married. The reception was incredibly stressful, but once it started, it turned out just fine. And since I that's all I really have to say about it, and since I just inducted a new member into my family, I though I would take the time to do something I should have done years ago: explain to you why I use words like Schwager and PetiteSoeur.

First of all, you need to know that I rarely ask people's permission to talk about them on this blog, and I therefore try to stay away from using real names in order to protect people's identities. Secondly, you must understand that my family is unusually versed in a multitude of languages. Spanish is the language of choice, but German, French, and Portuguese are also studied. Different people in my family study different languages, but six out of eight (or should I say, seven out of nine) have already picked one, two, or four. So it seemed to be fun that when I made up names for people in my family that I would try to reflect both how they were related to me while sharing their lingual background. In the desperate hopes that there are a few people who will read this who will not happen to be kin, I will explain a little bit about all of the people I'm always talking about:

Padre: My father, who learned French in high school, Spanish as an exchange student in Argentina, and Portuguese as a missionary to Portugal. The joke with his nick name, of course, is that in Spanish, you'd only actually use the term padre for a Catholic priest, and he used to work for a Catholic hospital.

Madre: My mother, who learned Spanish while she was a missionary in Argentina. Instead of teaching Spanish to their children, Madre and Padre used Spanish as their secret language when they didn't want us kids to know what they were saying. This inspired both HermanaMayor and me to learn Spanish in order to crack the code. I call her Madre in real life more than I call her Mom, but I'm the only one who does.

HermanaMayor: My older sister, who learned Spanish when she was a missionary to Spain. Yeah, we've got lots of missionaries in our family. It's funny to watch her speak Spanish to my parents, because she uses the Spaniard accent, which to the untrained ear sounds like a lisp.

[EDIT: HermanaMayor just got married, and I therefore name her husband Bil. Get it? Because he's my brother-in-law? It also works because he's an accountant. Bill, accountant, Bil--this is genius, I promise. He also is really good at Madden football.]

PetiteSouer: My little, now married, sister. She's been learning French all of her life, but only last semester did she put her skills to use by studying abroad in Paris. She likes to pretend that we all speak French, too, which can get pretty annoying when Padre isn't around to translate. She's currently in the process of learning German.

Schwager: PetiteSouer's husband, or in other words, my new brother-in-law. He's been learning German since high school, which has come in handy for PetiteSouer, since she has to learn German if she wants to fulfill her dream of getting a Ph. D. in Art History. Yes, they make you take German.

TwinOne: My oldest brother by a mere sixty seconds, who is graduating from high school this week. While he hasn't as yet decided to study a foreign language, odds are that he will once he becomes a missionary next year as planned. At that time, he will be renamed.

[Edit: Since TwinOne has embarked in a Spanish-speaking mission, and because I'm so very proud of him, he will now be known as PrimerGemelo. I'm pretty sure I got that right.]

ZweiteZweitung: The younger of my twin brothers, who has been studying German from the same high school teacher that Schwager learned from. ZweiteZweitung has also dabbled in Japanese, and since he's also planning on being a missionary, his name may change soon.

Youngest: My third brother, who is eleven years younger than I am and too young to have had any formal language training. He's going to be a missionary in about eight years or so, so we'll see where he ends up then.

I hope that clears a few things up. I'll see you next week, and in the mean time, I'm going to try very hard to resist the urge to open PetiteSouer and Schwager's wedding gifts while they're on their honeymoon.

Regards, best wishes, and clarity,

-Cecily Jane

Thoughts from the Week that Started on May 19th, 2009

My Dear Reader,

With everything that is going on in my life this week, I found it nearly impossible to write my regular one-topic, longer-than-my-Madre-would-like post. Instead, enjoy some vignette posts of the things I've been thinking about in the past seven days:

I love my family. I love my crazy, crowded, musical Angl0-Italian side just as much as I love my quiet, reserved, homey Anglo-Irish side. My two sides are so different, but I learn a lot from that, especially when it comes to balance. Being with my huge-and-crazy side these past few weeks has really helped heal the pain of unemployment, and I feel a lot more sure that I have a purpose in this world, even though still I don't know what it is. By the way, I've finally gotten all the cousins who were born when I was at college to remember my name, which makes a big difference.

I would move to California permanently if it weren't for California's economy, laws, and government. Maybe in a few years after things bottom out. I'm the kind of person who has a hard time feeling like she belongs anywhere, but Sacramento is the exception. I love the diversity, the heat, and knowing where things are! 

The only things I like about Oregon are the lack of sales tax and the people who I know there. Everything else sucks. 

After some time and a lot of deep breathing, I've gotten over the new Star Trek movie and how mad it made me. I'm actually really glad that it is doing so darn well in the box office. I also realized how ironic it is that Star Trek: Enterprise, the worst Star Trek series by far, is the only show that wasn't completely screwed up by the new movie. Trust me; it's hilarious.

Editing wedding videos is awesome! I'm really starting to get the hang of it, which is great, because just a few short weeks ago I felt completely overwhelmed. I have to buy a Mac for the job, which created more stir when I posted about it on Facebook than just about anything: eight comments. I've been using my uncle's Mac while I've been staying with him (including when I typed this). I still like PCs better, but it will be nice to have anything other than my 2003 broken laptop. 

Two of my good friends are due to give birth the same day my baby sister is getting married: Friday. It's way too much for my brain to process. Anne Hathaway should star in a movie about this, but I'll only let her if Kate Hudson is banned from the set. 

According to my nine-year-old cousin, I'm really good at talking to kids in a way that doesn't bore them to tears. It was probably one of the best compliments ever.

Okay, so I'm still not over the fact that my sister is getting married on Friday.

Regards, best wishes, and the variety of life,

-Cecily Jane

You May Now Call Me . . . "The Edi-TOR!"

My Dear Reader,

I am extremely pleased to announce that in the past seven days, I have not only acquired a vocation (as in . . . gainful employment), but I have finally settled on my pro-wrestling name.

Both achievements required a lot of skill and took a lot, lot more time than I would have liked. A college educated person such as myself should have gotten a wrestling name years ago:

Announcer: AAAAANND in this corner, weighing a number of pounds and hailing from the green, green valleys of the beaver state--The Edi-TOR!

Cecily/The Editor: GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRR!! 

[PetiteSoeur, if you are reading this, please go get Madre, as she has probably collapsed somewhere in a heap of laughter. A heap of it.]

You see, I left my university with a degree in English. If you have ever been or ever plan on being an English major, you have probably encountered several conversations that go like this:

Non-English Major: So, you presume to be an English major, do you not? 

English Major: [rolls eyes] Yes.

Non-English Major: Well, since I believe that field of study to be completely useless, vocationally speaking, I will assume therefore that you desire the profession of teaching.

English Major: [grinds teeth] No. If I wanted to be a teacher, I'd be an English teaching major. They're separate.

Non-English Major: [adjusts monocle] Well then, do you plan on living on the streets?

English Major: Actually, I'm using my major to prepare me for being a screenwriter/author/editor/copy writer/copy editor/journalist/publisher/grad or law student/well-educated person/etc. 

Non-English Major: Ah.

Generally, when people asked me what I planned in doing/what I could ever possibly do with my major, I would pick option E, copy editor. This was my short-term, super-sensible option. On other occasions, I would tell them about my long-term/almost impossible option, which would be option B, author. When I left college, I planned on pursuing both--finishing my novel (HA!) while trying to find an editing job. Unfortunately, for my circumstances, there were no editing jobs to be found. Sad day for Cecily Jane.

Fast forward to an unspecified number of months later (I'm not embarrassed to tell you my age [23], but I will barely admit the time I spent unemployed to myself), and I found out that my uncle, who is one of the best wedding videographers in the country, wanted to hire me as . . . ta DA! an editor. But not the kind of editor that tell you that you can't form my previous sentence the way I just formed it--a video editor. Essentially, he shoots the weddings, loads the video on a hard drive, and mails the hard drive to me. I, in turn, edit the video and send it back to him. It's a pretty sweet gig, if I say so myself. I knew practically nothing about video editing when I got the job, so for the past week I've been staying with my uncle in California learning the art of wedding films. I'll be here until the end of the month, then will be turned loose just in time for PetiteSoeur's wedding. 

So finally, after years of rudely correcting the grammar of people I despise, I have become an actual, bona fide, paid editor. It's a horse of a different color, but it's a horse, and I have decided that this makes me victorious.

Now I just have to figure out how to get that championship belt.

Regards, best wishes, and gainful employment,

-Cecily Jane

I Hate You, J. J. Abrahms

My Dear Reader,

I'm crushed.

As a hard core Star Trek fan, I was really worried about the latest movie, but I tried to get past my reservations and started looking forward to it. Ever since the last Star Trek series was prematurely cancelled and the movie before that didn't do so well, a lot of people were saying that the franchise, which had been going on for the past 40 years, was dying. This new movie was supposed to bring it back to life. It was supposed to modernize it and let it reach out to people who hadn't seen Star Trek before, two things I very much approved of. But it turned out that instead of revitalizing the franchise, the new movie has put a stake in the heart of 40 years of stories with Kirk, Picard, and the rest. Because if this movie, Star Trek is not only dead--it never existed. It's just so dissapointing, because instead of getting people interested with the series again, perhaps motivating people to watch the old shows, this movie makes every ounce of Star Trek before it moot. I'm sure it's great for the writers, because they now get to play in the universe and do pretty much anything they want. It just sucks big time for anyone who cared about the franchise before May 7th, 2009

I'm not just crushed; I'm livid.

Without telling you the details of the plot, I'll say that certain characters go back in time and change history in a way that means that the mythology created in over 700 episodes and 10 movies that made up Star Trek could never happen. If you're not a hard core fan, you may not realize how big of a deal that is. Let me put it to you this way: what if J. K. Rowling decided to revise her novels, making Harry Potter die in the first five pages so that Neville Longbottom became the main protagonist? I mean a complete and total revision, where the previous version was taken off the shelves and only the new draft was considered the "real story." Yeah, not sure how I'd feel about that, either.

The most frustrating thing was that I thouroughly enjoyed the majority of the movie. It was updated, and they had recast some characters, but it had the Star Trek feel. It was funny and gave us an insight into favorite characters that we hadn't seen. It could have fit in perfectly with the rest of the franchise if they had just tried to fix the large changes in history that were made. It looked like they were going to do it, too, and when it got to the final credits and no one did any temporal correcting, my blood started boiling. Why didn't they go back and fix it? If you woke up one day and you found out that someone had gone back in time to make Nazi Germany win World War II, would you just roll over and go back to sleep? That's kind of what the characters in the new movie did. It's infuriating.

All they had to do to was add a few lines of dialogue at the very end, perhaps in a scene after the credits, that suggests that they are going to try to go back and stop the time-traveling stuff before it starts. I mean, a hint would be enough to satisfy me. It's so easy to do that I can even write the dialogue myself. There are so many ways to do it, but I've come up with three:

Version 1

Scotty: [running up to Ambassador Spock] Ambassador?
Ambassador Spock: [turns to face Scotty] Yes?
Scotty: I know this might sound a wee bit crazy, but I think I found a way to stop that Nero from ever coming here in the first place.
Ambassador Spock: [raises an eyebrow] Fascinating.

Version 2

Ambassador Spock: Excuse me, Montgomery Scott?

Scotty: [turns] Aye, sir.

Ambassador Spock: I find myself in need of your assistance.

Scotty: [smiles] For the man who got me out of that ____-hole of a station? Anything.

Ambassador: Excellent. Mr. Scott, in the future you will create an ingenious formula that enables a specific mode of transport. I would like you to help me recreate it.

Scotty: Sure, what kind of transport?

Ambassador Spock: Time travel.

Scotty: Fascinating.

Version 3

[Title Card reads "129 years later . . ."]

(Scene: In the capital city of the planet Romulus)

Ambassador Spock: Praetor, I know it may seem . . . illogical to you, but I insist that it be done.

Romulan Praetor: And you cannot explain yourself, Ambassador?

Ambassador Spock: I would appreciate it as a personal favor.

Romulan Praetor: [nods] As you wish. I will make sure this citizen--Nero, you call him? I'll make sure that he is reassigned from his post on the mining vessel to a place where he will be unable to cause any trouble. Remus, perhaps.

Ambassador Spock: [bows head] I am most grateful.

See? It's not that hard. They could have easily tacked on a thirty-second scene at the end. I mean, they spend the whole fourth movie in 1986 because Scotty figured out out how using the Sun's gravitational field as slingshot could let the Enterprise take them there. It was the third time they'd done it. I mean, come on!

Oh, right. Those episodes no longer matter.

If you're not a big fan, you probably still don't get why I'm so upset about it. In fact, you'll probably really enjoy the movie. So go ahead, enjoy it. Don't mind me; I'm just living in a world where the Gestapo runs the postal service.

Regards, best wishes, and a sequel that clears all of this up to my satisfaction,

-Cecily Jane

P.S. In case you didn't click on that link above, here it is again. It's a post that I wrote two years ago about why something like this shouldn't happen. I wish I had been wrong.